remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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