Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
where are my eyebrows?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
