I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
