Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
