Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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