HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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