I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
