I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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