I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
