he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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