I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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