Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
