How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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