You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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