I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
