i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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