i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
