I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
