i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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