your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I could fuck to npr.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
