i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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