I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
