i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
