Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
