I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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