his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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