i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
