I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
