It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
