I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
...so i touched it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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