OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
