oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
