I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
