also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
