found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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