I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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