Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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