Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
