I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
