At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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