i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
