I am in a vortex of obligation.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
