Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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