she was so not down for the gang bang
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
