I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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