you guys were way drunker than both of me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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