I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
