I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize