You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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