did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
