no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you win again, gameday.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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