Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
