if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize