I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
