Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
More tranny stories later!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
