I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize