Dual....:-)
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
